I found out yesterday that my boyfriend of nearly a year cheated on me when he went on a l holiday 8 months ago. He spent the whole week kissing a girl and skinny dipping, but they didn't have sex because one night she didn't want to and the next he said no to her.
But I can't help thinking that if she had said yes the first night then it would have happened. He also spent the next month he got back talking to her arranging to meet, although I don't think they ever did. I've spoken to him about it and he said he feels so guilty, but that he wasn't happy with me at the time and she was nice and easy going while I just nag all the time and that's why he did it.
I've been cheated on before by a past ex that kept doing it over and over again when I forgave him. I'm pretty positive my boyfriend hasn't done anything since that holiday as we are together all the time and he says he's truly happy now. Either way, you were denied the chance to make this choice, which must make the months that have passed since feel like another layer of deception.
Cheating and breakups
This, of course, is easier said than done in this kind of situation. There are a couple of things to consider here.
The incident you describe happened four months into your relationship, which le me to wonder whether you had different expectations of what you wanted from each other. Sometimes one of us falls in love or feels very close to a partner very quickly, while it takes the other person a while to feel the same.
For lots of people these rules include no playing away from home. And for others, they can mean seeing where things go, but not necessarily being exclusive. You also say he tells you the reason he did it in the first place was because you were nagging him and the girl he found was easy going.
If I were to take a really challenging positon, I might ask: do you actually have a tendency to nag? I ask not to justify his actions in any way - even if what he said was true, cheating isn't an appropriate response - but because sometimes it's important to pause and think about how talk to a partner about getting our needs met.
Not surprisingly though, when we keep saying the same thing in the same way over and over again, our partner might just switch off because all they think they hear is blame. And so - sometimes - they act out.
What’s the best way to breakup with someone?
Again, I mention this not to justify what he did, but to offer some chance of understanding it in context. Instead you should be clear and honest that if something like this ever happens again the relationship will be over. But a word of caution. This left me wondering if you find it difficult to let him out of your sight in case he does it again. I want to reiterate that any healthy relationship must be based on trust, rather than on constant checking. Your relationship is more likely to stand a long term chance of success if you can be you and he can be himself as well as both being part of a couple.
Ask ammanda: my boyfriend cheated on me early in our relationship
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Ammanda says Ammanda Major is a Relationship Counsellor and Sex Therapist If you have a relationship worry you would like some help with send it to askammanda relate.