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My wife caught me looking at porn

Either sex can have a porn problem but let's be honest, it's predominantly a male issue. Because of the stigma, calling something an addiction or waiting for it to become so consuming it can be classified as one, excuses too many people from accepting and acknowledging it is first a lust problem.


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Dear Allison and David: I caught my husband with his pants down watching Internet porn. I had no idea this was happening under our roof. I have no idea what to do. us [ protected] First up, Allison and David weigh in on the porn debate—does it mean anything if your partner has been watching without you knowing?

Ella
How old am I: I am 20
Orientation: Guy
Tint of my iris: Cold blue
What is my gender: I'm girl
What is my hair: I have got long coarse reddish hair
I know: Italian
What is my body type: My figure features is slender
I like piercing: I don't have piercings
Smoker: No

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I don't know what hurt me the most. The fact i thought i knew him and thought he wasn't like that, the fact he KNOWS i don't like it and I've told him it would really hurt me or the fact he told me not to come round and pick him up and instead he'd wait for the car and meet me at mine in an hour well now i no why he didn't want me to turn up! Walking in on him last week really shocked me.

His face when he slammed his laptop down and ran to the door and almost stopped me from coming in was weird!! Immediately I thought porn but even though he had no pants on I still reminded myself not to assume as ironically its our 1 year anniversary next week and I thought he may be booking something.

Anyway, I asked him if it was good i was actually only joking as i didn't see the toilet roll until after I'd asked it and he said no not really and I nearly broke down in tears. It took me minutes to get home and then when he did text he had a go at me!!! So when I phoned him really upset and shouting he initially said he did it for me. Later when he admitted he didn't know why he did it I then got him to admit that actually he was lying about "doing it for me".

He claims he cant remember me telling him how much it would hurt me and says its the first time he's ever done it. However i'm finding it hard to believe that its such a coincidence that the first time he does it since being with me is the time i walk in on him doing it.

I don't know what to do.

Why does your wife care that you look at porn?

Its our anniversary on Friday and I've only just started being able to put my arms round him n let him get close in bed and kissing and this happened last Wednesday! We have good sex n he does very nice things for me but the fact he obviously doesn't listen to me or care about my feelings means I'm struggling to get over it.

How can I trust he wont do it again??

Please help! Click to choose posts category Show expert posts Show community posts. Ask the community. Jealousy and trust — introduction. Look at WHY this issue might be happening to you. Look at HOW you can help deal with it in a practical way. This approach offers a great way to unpack many other relationship issues and make sense of things.

Porn makes her feel ugly.

Throughout this journey, we hope to give you plenty of things you can take away and start practising in your relationships right away. The whole thing should take about 15 minutes. If at any time you want to start again with a different category, just select one of the options at the bottom of the.

Article jealousy, trust. I've been with my partner two and a half years. He is really caring and considerate and does all the little things like making me breakfast without asking or surprising me with a new pair of pyjamas. We have had issues with his lies — I feel like I can never get the truth out of him. When we're fine, he will lie about stupid stuff just to agree with me for example I'd genuinely want his opinion about what he thinks of a certain topic or what we want to do for the day or what he wants to do career wise as I have been helping him apply for jobs.

He will bounce back and forth between different answers contradicting himself, from one extreme to another. I end up with no clue with what he's truly feeling. It's as if I'm shaking my head at him or giving a disapproving look that makes him change his mind but I'm not!!!

I feel I genuinely go out of my way to look extra-positive so I can understand his true thoughts. I feel like he's just trying to please me when in reality it just makes me feel like I don't know him. It's so draining. We have had our problems in the past — to my knowledge he has never 'properly' cheated but definitely tested the waters. He had a bit of a reputation at the job where we met for being a flirt so when he got his new serious job I asked him to be professional don't give your social media out, do your job properly, be on time etc.

All was good until he added one female co-worker on his Instagram not any of his male friends, he kept it professional with them! I only noticed because he has a small Instagram her name was on his likes. It's difficult for me to explain on here but I don't believe anything at all was happening with them, it's more of a validation thing with him.

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If someone gives him the slightest bit of attention or praise he follows it up too much. I think it's insecurity issues. Now, with this in mind I didn't say this to him. HE told me. It's something that we've spoken about quite a lot and he's told me exactly why he wouldn't watch it and why he thinks it's cheating.

I agreed with him. I can't remember the exact words but on our one-year anniversary I thought he said he watches porn, I said something like are you serious?

And started crying. I was so shocked when I thought he'd been lying to me all this time. He had actually said something else I'd misunderstood and went on to reassure me he'd never do that, etc. Anyway, I have just got back from work today and he said we should get a takeaway. He said, here have a look, and passed me his work phone.

He opened the internet and there was two porn hub tabs open.

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I clearly seen it and the naked woman. He quickly closed the tabs and said he doesn't know why it was on there. I said are you mental? I seen it with my own eyes how can you lie?! He continues this delusional lie that the porn has magically appeared on his work phone, he hasn't even used the phone today. He said why would I pass you my phone if I had been watching it? Then he said do you want me to lie and say I have been watching it? As if seeing the porn myself on his phone wasn't concrete enough he ended up saying he had been on that phone applying for jobs then it came out he actually did watch the porn.

He has been non-stop apologising since but I just don't trust him I've heard it all before. He knew how much it'd hurt me from our one-year anniversary. For me I'm more bothered and just so gutted our trust is destroyed again, not the porn. He looked me in the eyes and pleaded to me he did not watch it — similar to his apologies now. I know if i told my mum she would tell me to leave so that's probably a I should.

Then again I grew up with an abusive stepfather who constantly cheated on my mum and had an addiction to porn so I don't know. I don't know whether this is normal or I am right feeling this way. I have four months left on the contract of our flat. Can this get better?

I do really love him and when we're good it's amazing. I'm 20 and he's 23 I just feel it shouldn't be this much hard work at my age. User article pornography, trust. Due to his occasional distancing I started looking at his phone and never really found anything from what I saw.

How would you describe your relationship with porn?

All for no apparent reason. Two weeks before we were due to fly home I checked his phone whilst he was in the shower and to my surprise He tried to find her on fb, Instagram and even did hashtags of the cafe she recommended to us and the yoga studio where me and her did a yoga class. He never spoke a word to this girl but he was clearly smitten and wanted to find her. I had to forgive him for this because covid kicked in and we got stuck in the Philippines.

I spent six whole weeks of crying myself to sleep, questioning my worth and asking myself why he thought it was ok to search for another girl. I worked so hard for that trip and he threw it back in my face. Also, after an argument one evening he walked off to the hotel and I stayed at the bar drinking alone.

When I went back, I checked his phone the morning before and he had gone on porn when he got back to the room the night. Why was that the first thing that sprung to his mind?