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Watching my girlfriend with another man

I have been going out with my girlfriend for just under 6 years now and we have had a very stable relationship minus a few rough patches due to stress from everyday lives such as work and money. Over the last year or so we haven't really been spending that much time in the bedroom, sometimes this was due to me being preoccupied and other times her.

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I thought she might have deleted her profile or something.

My age: 26
Nationality: Bolivian
My sexual preference: Shy male
My sex: I am female
Smoker: Yes

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Some people are aroused by being spanked or handcuffed or having their hair pulled. Specifically, watching my partner with another man. I first realized this during a hot August night, days before entering my senior year in college. At first she denied that they'd had sex, but later, while we were going at it, her tight maroon dress bunched up around her waist, I had a sudden intuition of the truth, which, amped up herself, she admitted to.

Maybe if we hadn't been having sex at that moment I would have felt more upset than turned on, but, serendipitously, instead of hurt I felt intensely aroused. My fantasy took hold of the image of her with the basketball player and began to branch out into the sexual space of my imagination.

I wondered, "Did she like it more with him?

Detect if your girlfriend likes another guy

Do his arms or his height or his broad chest turn her on? Did he give her head in a way that I don't? How about his dick? After that, I often envisioned my partner with another mansometimes even reframing intimate moments with her as a scene I was watching rather than one I was participating in, as though her moans, her bucking, were for someone else. Some anthropologists would say that this is completely natural, that as non-monogamous creaturesit makes sense that I'm turned on by a sperm competition with other men.

That, apparently, is the biological explanation for why I get an irresistible lust to reclaim her by upping my game and being the better lover. It brings out the competitive spirit, the desire to win, to be the male that passes on his genes.

For : watching my girlfriend fuck another man

In my case, because of contraception, the trophy is not an heir but only my partner's desire for me over others. Sexual attraction in general is mediated by vanity — but that's a longer story. Eventually, with a willing partner, the fantasy became reality. We live together, get along well, love each other, go on bike rides, cook dinner, read on the couch with our feet touching each other's legs. We have sex often. Second, the jealousy is necessary to amplify my desire.

The stronger the jealousy the more intense my arousal. Ideally, her eyes roll back and she screams in a way I've never heard before. Or she reaches for his ass to pull him deeper into her. The more frenzied her actions, the hungrier she becomes for him, the more threat there is to my supremacy, the more painful it becomes for me — the higher I get. There's another vital component to my fantasy. I need to believe that other men genuinely long to have sex with my partner. Maybe part of this is a validation of her attractiveness. And maybe part is that human desire is not ever truly spontaneous, but something that is sparked by the desire of others.

For me to be turned on by her in the first place, I need to feel, whether it's true or not, that other men should want her — and that if they don't, it's no failing of hers, but a difference in their taste. My partner and I have gone to sex parties, created an OKCupid profile specifically naming our interest, and tried to pick guys up at bars.

The last one seems to be the most challenging. The guys tend to get scared once they learn that another man is in the picture.

Maybe they're insecure about their performance being judged. The threesome part is really just about both of us pleasing her. So, their worry about it being gay is unfounded, and, I have to say, kind of silly anyway. I wouldn't care if it were gay.

In fact, I'd actually prefer not being as heterosexual as I am so that I could enjoy both the competition for my partner and the orgiastic pleasure that would come with having two simultaneously arousing partners. But I think she gets something out of it as well. Of course, she knows that I enjoy it, so naturally that factors into her wanting to do it.

I find it difficult, if not impossible, to extricate what I desire from what she enjoys, and I imagine she feels similarly. But she also enjoys new men, new experiences, pushing her sexual boundaries, and is turned on by novelty in general.

Anyway, the have been pretty good for me. A little more mixed for her, maybe.

She's kind of taxed by it in moments because, after all the sex she just had, she now has to deal with my desire gone into overdrive. Every memory of the experience re-ignites my lust.

Small, even fragmentary images, like the curve of her hip pressed down into the mattress by the curve of his, her agonized contortions of ecstasy, or some of the words she screams that I might not have heard in a while — or ever. Every bit comes with an uncomfortable tension that I need to discharge into her. Interestingly, I also fall painfully in love with her again, and every part of her — her smile, the slender slope of her neck, her voice, especially that hip — acquires a sudden, powerful meaning that culminates in the incessant repetition in my mind of "Marry me, marry me, marry me.

How it feels for her, though? I don't think it comes close to how it feels for me. For her it's a small adventure, one that we did together, but nothing so serious. Whereas I'm left ravaged, torn open and raw.

Why i like to watch my girlfriend with other men

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Waywhich delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud. Images: Guillermo A. By Isai Grand. See All Health Relationships Self.